I am sitting here on Saturday night wondering how I am going to feel tomorrow. Happy? Yes I'm sure. A little melancholy? Maybe. Relief? Yes definitely. Ready to come home? Absolutely.
I have been gone from home a long time,a really long time. It's been so good for me, in a personal growth type of way, although I have certainly pushed my body to its limits. This trip was not just difficult physically, but mentally it has been overwhelming in so many ways. I am not a quitter, this I have always known about myself. I am also a really hard worker, who once committed to a project doesn't give up.
There were many days during this trip that I wondered why am I doing this? What constitutes me putting myself through this?
For many the camino is invigorating, an adventure vacation, and so many here truly love each day. Did I enjoy each day? I must say the answer is yes,mostly.
Somedays though I had such physical aches and pains that when I quit walking for the day, it wasn't always pleasant. I also missed having a walking partner like John. The people walking in couples and groups seemed much happier. Although, on the flip side of this is that I think I have become a much stronger, self reliant person to have done this alone. John and I have talked about this and I think it's true. Also, to do this with another person, it has to be someone who is really committed to working together as a team. I saw many friendships not doing well here, because one person was stronger than the other and the weaker one was pushing to keep up. The weaker person has to be the one to set the pace.
When I set out to do this the reasons were many.
I wanted to do a true pilgrimage for God. Something that was a commitment that really was one of true physical and mental suffering.... I spent much time praying and chanting and singing prayers as I walked. Thanking God for everything so wonderful in my life. I prayed for all of my family, and friends. All of you, yes, I had time to think about all of you and pray for you.
I wanted to have meditation time to figure out if I am happy with my life as it is, and who I am. ... The answer to this is yes.
I wanted to see if this Florida girl could rise to the fitness challenge of doing this. It's been crazy hard, but I've succeeded.
Just some thoughts before I walk tomorrow. Please keep praying for me that I get this done... Who knows what the last 10 miles will bring?
Hopefully I will arrive in Santiago safe and well, both mentally, physically, and spiritually. Ultraia. Onward.
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